


When I Awake, You Disappear

by widdlewed



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Depression, Drabble, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, no beta we die like people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 09:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20619059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widdlewed/pseuds/widdlewed
Summary: Creak-creak-creak went the noose around Yuuki’s throat and creak-creak-creak when Mafuyu’s heart as more cracks and chips chiseled down the once-pristine organ.----A short drabble about Mafuyu and the passing of Yuuki.





	When I Awake, You Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> WHY DID YUUKI HAVE TO DIE?! 
> 
> Sorry if this is messy lol

He never understood what people meant when they compared their emotional pain to that of shattered glass or lungs unable to gasp in air. He never understood it when people said that a hole replaced their heart, or that the world had fallen into a monochrome filter; all color bled out. 

He never understood those metaphors. Not until it all crashed into him at once. 

He couldn’t cry - he couldn’t articulate or properly emote the sudden way his world just drained of all color. He couldn’t sit you down and give you a thorough rundown of how it felt like each step was back-breaking. How in the mornings when he woke up, an invisible weight threatened to crush his fragile ribcage and splatter his organs into dust. How a permanent lump found a home in his throat and no amount of fluids or coughing would release it. 

He couldn’t put into words how suddenly nothing seemed to matter anymore. How food tasted like ash on his tongue, or how Kedama’s usual barks were nothing but mild annoyances to him now. How his grades had begun to slip and despite the pitying understanding of everyone around him, there was just no getting them back to their perfect scores. 

It felt like a rope had wrapped around his neck, painstakingly increasing pressure with each day passed. Each day without that familiar laugh, without that familiar smell that instantly spelled out comfort -  _ home _ . Each day without those warm hands intertwined with his. Each day without that smile that rivaled the sun. 

With each day passed, small fragments of his heart chipped away, scattered at his feet like the empty cans of alcohol that littered Yuuki’s bedroom. 

Creak-creak-creak went the noose around Yuuki’s throat and creak-creak-creak when Mafuyu’s heart as more cracks and chips chiseled down the once-pristine organ. 

With each day passed since he found Yuuki’s hanging body, he hadn’t been able to breathe. He was submerged, drowning deeper into the dark abyss. He welcomed it each time he awoke, knowing that he’ll probably never be able to take a full lungful of air again for the rest of his life. 

He woke up wanting to call him, to hear his voice. He woke up and replayed their saved messages, burrowed under the blankets as his voice washed over him. He woke up and wished he hadn’t. He woke up and during those few seconds of sleep-fog, could pretend everything before had been a nightmare. 

Yuuki would still be alive. Mafuyu wouldn’t have been the cause of his death. They wouldn’t have fought over something so petty and would have made up without anything horrible happening. 

And then reality would settle in and he’d be struck immobile, what little he could hold in his chest stolen by the sheer ice that’d fill his veins. 

He’d be left unable to leave his bed, curled up and gripping his pillow tightly to his chest. He wouldn’t cry- couldn’t. It was like when Yuuki died, he stole any and all of Mafuyu’s tears. Took them with him to the beyond, leaving Mafuyu unable to properly grieve. 

He’d lay there and his mind would just scream, “I miss you” on a deafening loop. 

There was no end in sight to these spirally, consuming sensations. 

And then, when Uenoyama strummed on Yuuki’s guitar, the bleak world of monochrome seemed to shatter like glass and light returned to his eyes. 

Mafuyu inhaled deeply. 


End file.
